Openly admit that women and men feel quite differently about sex, and sooner or later some one will say, "You just need to get laid."
The accusation (and it is an accusation, though often veiled by the lightest tones) is similar to one I discussed in my last post, The Fear of Being thought a "Prude," a "Victorian," a "Puritan," or a "Hypocrite", but with an even nastier edge, as it suggests the accused is not only in denial about sex, but has failed to obtain sex or, if he is a man, unable to obtain it.
Telling a woman she just needs to get laid is not quite so harsh. (The position of men and women here, as in so many situations, is different, which is one of the many reasons why I'm defending difference). Though it is a fact often denied, along with so many other differences between women and men, a woman can get laid relatively easily. She may not be able to have sex with a movie star she likes, or even the most desirable men she knows personally, but she can usually find a partner for sex--if all she really wants is sex. She can even charge for the sex--if all she wants is sex (but that's the subject of another post). Of course finding a sex partner willl be easier for a young woman or a good looking woman or a charming woman, but the fact is even an ugly, old woman with no charm whatsoever can have sex with men whenever she likes--if all she really wants is sex.
The catch, of course, is that a woman wants something more than just sex.
And so when a woman is told "you just need to get laid," there is something humorous and even gentle about it. The implication is that she just hasn't gotten around to doing what she needs to do, but she can whenever she chooses, and this, at least, is true: she can. She just doesn't want to without the prospect of love and commitment. Still, being reminded of her sexual power, even though she chooses not to take advantage of that power, is not unpleasant.
Telling a man he just needs to get laid is quite different. The implication that a man can get laid whenever he chooses often simply is not true. For men who are not in a sexual relationship, getting laid usually takes time, money, status or power (see my post on women's attraction to power and prestige). Some scheming is often necessary too. For a man, getting laid requires, above all, a belief on the woman's part that there is at least the possibility of finding love and commitment with him.
This is why men pay good money for prostitutes (and, increasingly, risk exposure and humiliation when they are caught doing so). This is why men fly to Thailand. This is why, far more commonly, men go through the ritual of dating when they have no interest in a serious relationship: it's a lot of trouble and money, and, worse, it's dishonest, but it's a way of getting sex.
All of this to say, for many men, getting laid isn't so easy, but when we tell a man (usually in a false casual tone), "You just need to get laid," the implication is that yes, it is.
It's a lie, and like so many of reasons the differences between women and men are being denied, it adds to the widening chasm between what we claim to be our sexual reality and what it actually is. It creates deception, with women and men both.
The lie suggests to women that men have it easier than they do, leaving them unprepared for encounters with what can be an urgent, even violent, need in men.
The lie suggests to men that they are failures when they are merely ordinary, and because this supposed failure is sexual, the suggestion can be devastating, especially for the young.
The brutal old practice of taking a young man to a whorehouse would be more honest, and even more effective, by comparison.
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