Where the Men's Movement is Going Wrong

The types of power that men have traditionally possessed to a greater degree than women are economic, political, physical, and, in some ways, social.

All of these types of power, except the last, are easily measurable. We can compare the amount of money women earn to what men earn for the  same work, and we get an idea of where women stand economically. We can compare the number of female senators to the number of male senators, and this gives us  some idea of political representation for women.

This ease of measurement is one of the main reasons why feminism has been so successful. The measurements produce hard numbers and it's difficult to argue with hard numbers.

Many of the powers that women possess to a greater degree than men are sexual and social. These advantages, unlike men's, are almost impossible to measure. They are a matter of feeling, not dollars or politicians. Statistics nor even science will ever reveal the truth of these feelings.  Therefore it is easy--and increasingly common--to dismiss such feelings as imaginary.

For this reason it is difficult for men to make a case that women have social powers, especially sexual powers, that we do not.

The men's movement faces a temptation to focus on a relatively small number of issues that can be effectively argued with hard numbers. These issues have already been defined by feminism. The men's movement just takes the opposite stance.

Members of the men's movement point out, for example, that women sexually abuse men just as men sexually abuse women. They cite statistics. Some even suggest that women commit these crimes at equal or greater rates than men. The crimes just go unreported because the victims are men.

In the end this approach is another way of saying women and men are the same. We are affected by the same passions. We are guilty of the same crimes, in more or less equal numbers.

This is where the men's movement has gone wrong.

The men's movement should be doing the opposite. We should be insisting that women and men are different.  Instead of seeking out as an example the female teacher who has seduced underage male students, we should be pointing out just how  rare she is. We should point out that men are ten times more likely to be guilty of this crime. We should point out that the media's obsessive focus on female teachers who seduce their male students lacks context and is misleading and should be corrected.  

We should  insist on pointing out that men are far more often guilty of such abuse. We should point out that this is the case because women have a sexual power that men do not; therefore, men face a temptation that women do not.  We must insist that this does not excuse these men in any way (on the contrary, recognizing difference makes them all the more guilty), but we must also insist that women's sexual power entails a responsibility.

If we want to point out how women abuse men, we should instead look to the emotional manipulation that often passes as "flirting." Yes, this point will be far more difficult to argue, but it is far more important because it is real and it is everywhere.

We should address the male suicide epidemic. We should start asking why so many men have to fly to Thailand for sex (and expose the so-called female sex tourists as the media-created illusion they almost always are).  We should talk about why so many men resort to pornography. With each of these issues we should emphasize that these problems result from the fact that women and men are different. We're never going to get anywhere until we start acknowledging difference.

This is the difficult approach. It will require men to do what men are forever being accused of being afraid to do: talk about our feelings. But if we do, our accusers will eventually be forced to admit that perhaps men have kept silent so long because we know how few people are prepared to accept what we really feel.