Why Acknowledging Difference Matters

In my first post I said that the current, widespread denial of difference was making a lot of people miserable.

Strong words.  Does it really matter so much that so many people are pretending that women and men feel, think, and see the world alike?

In a word, Yes.

For one thing, the myth of sameness leaves young women unprepared for the reality of men. If a teenage girl starts dating actually believing that the boys she's going out with feel the same way she does about sex, she's going to be in for a rude awakening. Possibly she could be headed for real trouble.

And it's not fair to young men either. Imagine a teenage boy who's been brought up to actually believe that  woman will often make the first move, initiate sex, and expect no real commitment from him. That's going to be one disappointed boy. He's going think something must be the matter with him.

"But why aren't women coming up to me and leading me by the hand into their bedrooms the way they do on TV?" he'll ask himself. "Am I hideous? Does my breath stink? Am I saying something wrong?"

It's easy to laugh. But such disappointment can cause real pain to young men, especially when everyone around them keeps insisting that women feel basically the same as they do.

And young people aren't the only ones hurt by a lie.  I meet many adults who believe or claim to believe in the myth of sameness. 

I see women who hate men because they refuse to believe that men feel differently than they do about sex. 

I run into men who are full of hatred towards women because they refuse to accept that women want love and commitment.. As men, they can't get away with complaining the way women can, but inside they're seething.

Even more often I see people holding the opposite sex to impossible standards. The idea of what a woman should be or a man should be becomes increasingly narrow. It is as though the fixation on the false idea of sameness has resulted in mass blindness, preventing people from recognizing the beauty in real women and men. 

So yes, acknowledging difference between the feelings of women and men does matter. The lie of sameness is causing a great deal of pain.